there is a meaning to everything

You talk of faith, but when did you have faith in me, faith in you?

You glorify love and regard it highly but are your loving suppose to be this painful?

What you’re looking for is a companion, a true friend…

You come home and walk past me, through me, you don’t see me

From time to time your break down and ask for forgiveness

As tears rolling down your face, tears are rolling down mine

You say you love me, yet your actions show something else

It’s not enough, yet you have more than most

You avoid your reflection, you can’t face who you become

As I leave you behind me, the pain is unbearable

You taught me to choose myself

For that I’m ever grateful

staying

So woke up this morning but could not find my self getting up. Im still in bed.
I start class in 10, and I just dont care at all. I dont care about  uni, training, work.
All I can think about is finding a way to stay here.
I miss my home, I always will. It will always be home.
But Aus will not always be home unless I make it my home.
Every nerv in my body tells me to stay...But how???
The longer the waiting the sweater the kiss they say.
I been here 4 years and Im still not one step closer from when I started
I feel like giving up and accept a life somewhere else,
somewhere where I dont want to live. But I guess I can make it work somehow
I know some people think Im crazy, whats so bad with living somewhere else...
But if you found the place your ment to be, why keep looking??
If you find yourself fitting in at this place, why start over again?
If you found the person you want to be in a place that makes you happy, wouldnt u fight to stay??
There is nothing that say I wont feel different in the future, but I cant imagine I would
I know everything happens for a resaon, but this time I cant see what that could be

Useless Arvo

I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up
... it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be.

Sunday afternoon.  I'm waiting for something but bot sure what yet. Had a crazy weekend, felt like I was 20 again! However I did lose my camera which I'm very upset about, had all my holiday pics on it :(  Went out Friday night, spent Sat on the coach with Simpson and Thai food. Up this morning for work. Tomorrow its Monday and the week will start all over again.

Made a list today, 10 things to do before end of 2012, think I will Succeed?? Well have to wait and see

1. Travel around Oz (either NT, WA or SA)
2. Get a Graduate Visa
3. Go to Sweden and see my family
4. Take a dance class
5. Do Bikram Yoga
6. Get and bloody Iphone
7. Get fit (hmm, again!)
8. Finish Uni with all A's
9. Continue writing on my book
10. Be Happy!

Nothing to exciting ahead of me, but its the start of new beginnings! So less then an hours left at work. This day has gone pretty dam fast after all. Time to go home, finish the presentation for tomorrow, clean up after the weekend and go to bed early!

Oh and what did I learn this weekend, take nothing for granted and always go with the flow!

One of those days

Today has been one of those days....One of those days your thoughts takes you away somewhere else.
I been thinking a lot lately about the meaning of events occuring in our everyday life. I came to the conclusion it is harder to find something that gave you nothing, rather then finding a meaning in things.
Each personal encounter we have with others will lead us somewhere, will teach us something.
If we draw up our lives on a piece of paper, Im sure we can all find that one thing has lead us to another.
Times when things seems hard, I try to think Im doing all of this for something.

But without sounding like Im complaing, sometimes its hard being here. Away from whatever it is I call home. Maybe this is home now I dont know. I cannot see the end of the road Im walking on yet, its pretty much the other way. It just started.
It seems though, everything is changing so quickly around me I dont have time to take it all in. I try my best to have some sort of plan for the future, an idea where I will be next year, what I will do. I said so many times I will get there, I will not take no for an answer. So far every road has taken me closer to that goal.

But what if I cant make it? What if it all will fall flat? What if I have to start over once again? As the year is progressing so will my fear of failure. I see my self as a strong person, independent and someone who knows what I want. Or what I dont want. But Im also fighting so hard beacuse Im so scared of failure. Im scared of not reaching my goal, but quite honestly Im not sure what that is yet.
Im scared of loosing motivation, not being a good friend, not staying in touch with everyone as much as I should. Im scared of becoming selfish, because right now I only have my self. Im scared of loosing more people close to me, making new friends, not getting a good job once I finish uni.
Im afraid people will look at me and think its just not enough.
Must of all Im afraid of getting stuck in my comfort zone and stop learning, stop developing, stop feeling.
Im afraid I will never met the one.

But despite that I get up every day and I do my best, I learn, I try to work on my weaknesses. I might not always physically be there for my friends and family, but Im always mentally.
I try to be me and noone else. I walk against the crowd if I feel I need to. I try to think of others and put my self in their shoes and not judge.I look for the small things in life, the ones that makes me smile.
I guess this is what we all call life, despite our fears we will still do our best.
Somedays I beleive it is okey to feel like this, reflect on what we have, what we lost and what we can do better.

Being scared is not being weak, its human and we all get scared from time to time.