The last couple of days Ive been walking around with a big smile on my face everytime i think of that special one. Lets just say it happens pretty often. I just cant control my self anymore. Its been way to long now. Today I just felt like fuck this whole thing when´s the next flight 2 the land down under? Would be pretty stupid of me though cause hes coming in 3 weeks. Just feels like I cant wait anymore.
Anyway been thinking about my other friends over there 2. Miss them all. And missed my friends over here when I was away. I do belive it will be easier for me this time. Now I REALLY now that I want to be there. And when I miss my family and friends 2 much its time to take a trip home. Im just so curious how this all gonne end. Will I stay? Will this work? Will I get everything I want over there? Meaning a good life. I got so many dreams I feel its time to start fulfilling them. Slowly one by one. Did feel like the other day that my luck has finally turned and things are starting to look good again. It all about staying positive.
Now its time for me to take the dog and go on a long walk up the biggest hill in Kiruna. Need the exercise and so does the dog hehe.
And saturday its time for cocktail party cant wait! Will get drunk and sing songs haha
Over and out

technology

facebook, myspace, twitter, blogs, email, msn. Phonecalls, sms and mms. Dont forget the post witch some people still use. There are just so many ways to stay in contact so why is it still so hard? And what do u do when your sick of all this technology and all u want is to see a face in front of you? But you cant and this technology is all u have. Sometimes I think its better to write real letters and post them instead of all this internetcrap. Its so easy keeping contact that u just dont know what to say anymore. But you still want the emails, sms, calls, facebook comments and so on. Because you can! What if we cant? Would that change anything? How did they do before, before all this? I dont know. Would like to find out. I just know Im over this. I want him with me. Not see his name on the phone or signing in to chat. Just want him here in real life standing in front of me. Fuck the technology it just fucks everything up. Parden my language.
Tierd, time for a rest...

Perfect

Can there be a day without problems? Just one day that everything is just perfect?

Was thinking about that, what is really perfect? And why are we still looking for a thing that does not exist. There are things like a perfect moment, a perfect beer, a perfect walk and a perfect meal. But there just arnt things like a perfect marriage, a perfect life or a perfect job. Correct me if Im wrong but whereever you go in life theres always problems and bumps in the way. But thats just a part of the game, the more u loose the more you know to next time not to do it again. And you will never stop learning. But sometimes we need to stop and have a perfect moment. And just for that moment feel like we have the perfect life. In the end one good day can wash away 10 bad ones. We just need to get something back in return for the effort we put in.

My life at the moment is far away from where I want it to be. But every day Im struggling to one day reach my goals. A life in a place I can call home, with my own family, a man who loves me for who I am and a job that gives me satisfaction and good financial security. Sounds like a lot? Well I think so too sometimes but Ill know I get there someday. It wont be perfect, but it would be mine and then all the rainy days I had to get there will be worth it.

I always say I cant wait until Im old, sitting in my chair with my nitting looking at my grandkids and finally start enjoying what I created.

Cant Wait!

So the trip Is all organised and payed for, Norway in a nutshell here we come! I was looking at the pictures of the hotels we are staying at. It looks so cool! Cant wait to see all that, cant wait to see my man and to do it all with him. All this dramas thats been with money and all other shit. I dont care anymore cause Im going on a holiday! Thats one of the hotels on the picture. The one Im looking most forward 2. And they brew there own beer. Will have to put some money away for that. Norway was the last country I would see my self going on holiday to. This is why..

Nr 1 EXPENSIVE

Nr 2 Norwegien language (we swedes just make fun of it)

Nr 3 No beach!

Nr 4 Inside Scandinavia

Well after some research about our neighbour I discoverd its worth a shot.

Beautiful scenery, great seafood and a once in a lifetime trip. If it wasnet for my other half ( should I say better) I would never go there. So thank you!

Did I say I manage to squeeze in a 24 hour party boat cruise in Stockholm before we go to Olso? FOR FREE! Yeah thats right, totally free. Theres just so many things to look forward to now so im almost about to burst of exetiment. And a month to go!

The story goes to Norway as someone once sad. (and sweden of course)

Goodnight

I wish

Wish I could run away from troubles and leave the worries behind
Wish I could live in a land with all my firends by my side
Wish I could see the world in a different light
Wish I could be happy for more then a while sometimes

Wish I was someone else living a better life
And the feelings I have today will be gone by the end of the night
Wish I could breath clearer and without all the toxic in my life
Wish reality wasent so hard all the time

I want to know what Im fighting for
I want to see the front step going up to my door
I want to know whats behind this hill
I want to stop for a while and feel

I just want to be a better version of me

thoughts about love

So yes girls are needy, demanding and just a pain in the as sometimes. I know I can be. I want guys to understand, listen and talk. So much I just end up making them angry. I also push them away when I start to feel things are rocky. I dont want to get hurt or dumped. I dont want to be that one sitting in tears wonder where it all went wrong. But no matter how hard you try u end up just there. And sometimes you put your self there as well. Yes there are things they just have to understand, and yes they have to listen to your needs. But the question is how much can you ask for? And when you finally get the answer you want theres always something else. I dont know why I have this problem, why I always need to be reassured about everything. Why cant I be the one storming out, go off in to my cage and stay there and calm down? Why do I want answers straight away? Why to I try so much is to much?
I know when Im in love, cause love makes me go stupid. A day can get ruined hearing the wrong word from that person. And a day can get great hearing the right. Its like everything I learned in the past just disseapers somewhere and your mind is starting to play tricks on you. Why? Im sick of it. I want to feel calm, I want to feel save all the time. I want my head to start thinking again. I know a part of the problem is me and Im trying every day to fix it. but Its so hard. What can I say. Im in love and love makes you crazy. And no matter how hard it is sometimes the good side is always better and thats why I stay. Thats why I love it. Thats why I love him. He puts up with me and my crazy ways. Maybe its time for me to slow down and stop asking for a perfect relationship. Cause there is none. Its 2 people staying togheter through ups and downs, laugh and cry and thats how it should be.
So I will start my journey to change my insecurity. With positive thoughts you get a positive life!

Goodnight