nothing

Woke up this morning to the phone. It was a phonecall that made me happy for a while. Until I got up and that bad feeling returned. Why is it there and why cant I get ride of it? Its no reason for it to be there.

Anyway day went on. I stopped for a second and realized maybe I need a day or two for my self. Totally isolated from the rest of the world, no phones and no internet and no people. Maybe that will make me figure out whats wrong.

But where will I find that? Holidayhouse is covered with snow at the moment and I dont feel like going there and dig my way in. So, I will stay and wait for the answer to come to me.

Have to work this weekend, was looking forward 2 having it off. But maybe I will stay out of trouble this way. Tomorrow Im gonne get back into it. I had my week of sooking and eating junk. Now its time to get back to reality even if I dont feel like it. Cant stay away to long. Dont even know what Im on about. Almost 1 in the morning and Im getting pretty tired, even if I spent the first part of the day snoozing on the coach. Goodnight people. Tomorrow is a new day

thoughts

Tuesday night.
The weekend is over, and it was a good and bad weekend. Good that I realized some things about people around me, things I didnt see before cause I was to busy ignoring it. But now I know. And I know now to stay away.
Bad in that way I consumed way to much alcohol and lost every bit of common sence I had left in me. I didnt do anything bad, I just dont like the feeling anymore.
Why do I have to be so needy all the time? Why do I always want more, why cant I just settle with what I got?
I though I needed a change, but I know now Im the one who needs to change.
My insecurity is taking over my life and Im not gonne let it happen anymore.
Maybe its time to open my eyes and face myself. Stop pretending like Im perfect.
Start listen to my heart and give my mind a rest.
Start making decisions more carefully and honest.
Feel the love I have around me instead of chasing for love I will never get. Cause Im chasing shadows.
And stop beeing so restless.
Start living right here and now! And the first thing Im gonne do on my road to truth and happiness is to get a tattoo representing me, myself and I.

My mind is racing, trying to breath. I do like it. But will I like it next year 2?
Whats ment to be will be, but how do you know whats ment to be and whats not?
And how do you know what way to go when there is a turnoff.
Im exhausted, confused and in 2 diffrent worlds at the moment.
I belive in me, I can do whatever I want.
But what do I want?
When your taken from the place you like, do you start liking the place you where taken to just to make life there easier? Adjust and enjoy.
I havent forgotten, I still remember. but I wont for long if I dont return soon.
Its slipping away and I cant do anything about it.
Maybe its suppose to be only a dream

Back

Back on the blog, that from now on will be about nothing as before. But still everything! Im currently in Kiruna where Im gonne be for the next 2 months. Working and spening xmas and new years with friends and family. In March my friends is where my real challenge starts. I have been accepted to uni in Melbourne and I will do a study abroad program for the first year to start off with. Mostly because Im still not sure about the whole study thing. Im a person who likes making money, but to make money you gotte start somewhere.
So Bundoora Melbourne is where Im gonne start. (or start over)
Anyway the journey will start the 1st of Feb when I return to the land down under.
Return to my man, my friends and my new life down there.
As u probably know I been there many times before but this time is diffrent. This time Im really leaving. For good. Or thats the plan anyway.
My thoughts lately have been full of excitmnet, guilt, hapiness and sorrow all at the same time.
But now Im ready! Ready to start school and kick some fucking ass!
For the first term Ill be reading mostly psychologi and some comminucation. I am afraid about the language barrier wich is another reason why Im writing in english. To get use to, and also for thoose who not know swedish. But mostly for my self.
Going back and forward like this has made me open my eyes much more. Im also starting to discover less attractive qualities with people. Things thats been there all along but Ive just never notice. And thats when I started to look for thoose qualities with my self, and realized I have them as well more or less.
Talking about people in negative ways, talking about other peoples work in negative ways, not seeing the full story and specially not think for a second how it feels to be in that persons shoes before you speak. Most people are nice, most people do there best and everyone does silly things when there pride gets hurt. In the end everything goes back to your self cause thats all you know. But because someone does things another way then you does not mean its wrong!
Everyone should start listening to there heart instead of other voices around you.
What is most important in life, friends, family, lovers?
Its diffrent for everyone, I cant tell you whats most important for me right now. A mix of everything would be good.
Here in Sweden is my foundation, my safe ground, my rocks and everything my life is built on.
In Australia is my future, my love, hopefully my unborn children, my future carrier, all Ive been working so hard for, all I will be working so hard for to get. My life. How can you choose beetween the 2? Now I cant.
But Im lucky I have the best foundation to fall back on if the road gets rocky. I was loved as a child, I feel confident about my self, I know I can do more then I achive for. And I have my family and my past to thank for that.
So the story goes on again. Im looking forward to the ride but have to admit Im very curious about the end as well.