New Beginnings

In three weeks my uni life will be over. 3 years gone. It feels like yesterday when I started. I was so nervous doing something I was not familiar with. Scared I would fail. It has been one of the biggest challenges so far and I did it! Well in three weeks I have!
Soon its time to leave, and start again in Gold Coast. I will miss everyone here and everything you given me!
But I cannot wait for new beginnings, a new chapter and to see whats in store for me in the future!
Even though its a bit scary, I managed to survive and make a life in Melbourne, and Im sure I will in Gold Coast too. This time I wont be alone!

Due to visa issues, there will be no white christmas for me. At first I felt angry and upset, and was considering going anyway. But its just not worth the risk. So until the application has been sorted, I will have to stay here. Hopefully it wont take too long, and I will be on the next flight home as soon as I can. I have allready missed way to much, and it has been way to long! I miss everyone so much and I just want be with my family again. Living overseas has been the hardest decision I made, and as much as I love and miss my family I just feel like I cant be happy at home. At least not right now.
Well before any of that will happen its time to get through the exams, and that will not happen while Im wasting my time here instead of studying!

Thats Gold Coast on the picture, finally I get to live by the beach!!

Home

Home is where the heart is.
Never before have I wanted to be back home more then now. To see my dear little sister get married, enjoy time with family and be myself for a while.
Just be for a moment, and enjoy the success and happiness of your loved ones.
I will be there in my mind.
Missing someone is finding yourself in a moment thinking you would like to share it with that person.
I find my self in that moment moreso now than ever before

In a few months Ill be home with you all.
Time flies by here, but at the same time it stands still.
In 3 months I would have finished what I set out to accomplish.
And nothing went the way I planned.
Sometimes good things falls apart, so better things can fall togheter :)



 

Is it possible to be happy about something, and at the same time sad? Like hungrythirsty?

So after a few days of relaxing I have returned to the unorganised, stressful, wonderful, horrible and crazy thing I call life. And now in the exam period, its like that times ten! And I have a tendency to always, without fail, take to much on in to little time and this week will be no different! And its hard to prioritise with priorities so to say. U must earn money to pay the rent and in order to do so you must turn up at work, you must study for your exams, you most go to some events at least, and you most eat which equals cooking. You must take care of your health and you must sleep!
Lucky its All over in 3 weeks, and it will ALL be over within a few months. Hopefully then, stability can make its return! But I have a feeling thast gonne take a while as well :) But not to worry, the journey is there to be enjoyed! But hey at least I will learn time-management, but I wonder if I will ever practice it!
But before all that is done, I will go home, have a nice sleep, move my room in the morning and dive into the books!
Good night all!

Nostalgia

Have you ever had that feeling, that for just one second your drawn back in time. To another place somewhere far away. Your thoughts are running away, you think about a past time, and just for that second you can feel yourself being in that moment, in that room, with all the people that was everything for you.
Once the second is over, you return to today.
Its funny how people come and go in life, and how someone at one point in time was everything for you, and years later you struggle to remember their face, or their voice.
You move on, you find others to connect with, love and have fun with.
And then one day, for a brief moment you remember the feeling you had years ago. And you start missing them. You start missing the life you had, the smell of your apartment, the feeling of waking up in a familiar place. You start missing the cold air, the dark nights and drinking tea while watching the housewife's with your friends. The friends you had and shared everything with that you now lost contact with.

Perhaps the past just seems so good because there is nothing annoying or boring in it. There is no washing to be done, no exam preparations, no work commitments or every day life duties such as paying bills. No pressure on what is to come, where to go and what to do. No recollections of drama, disappointments, betray or failures. It is in fact a memory, where all the hard yards have already been walked and forgotten. Maybe thats why it feels so good to revisit now and then, and let one self be consumed by nostalgia...

Males and Females, what went wrong??

Stereotyping is wrong, bad and just not something we do anymore. or should do. But thats exactly what Im going to do right now. so if you dont like stereotypes, stop reading now.

Males, who are they? What do they do? How do they think? Why are they like they are?
They come in groups, or sometimes pairs, going out scanning the club after a female prey to conquer for the night. Hunters as they are they move through the place, looking for the most unsecure, weak link with OK looks to tangle around their fingers. They pull you in to this fantasy world, acting like they like you, and do care for you. ask you questions and make you feel good about your self.
All just to take you home, use you, throw you away and start all over again the next weekend. Sometimes they are nice about it, saying I really like you, but im not ready for a relationship but would like to still see you. Dont fall for it! Its all a game! And all they want is to play the game, show you off for their friends, but they will run faster then the speed of sounds if they hear the word commitment! One word, predators!
To their defence, this usually occur in their younger, imature states of their lifes.
Once in a relationship, they can be nice, caring, lovely and just amazing. Until another prey walks past and the hunt is on again! Last night as I was thinking about it, I came to the horrible conclusion I do not know one male that has not cheated in their lifetime! And forgive me if I forgot about the one who didnt, there is always an exception to the rule.
And what about their communication issues! They dont like talking about things, feelings. They push it away, looks extremely uncomfortable once the 'we need to talk´sentence is raised. No NOT AGAIN! I just want to drink my beer a watch the footy! Not talk about feelings and shit.
If they have a problem they either ignore it or quickly raise the issue and then leave it. What do they mean when they leave it? Why dont they analyse every second of the day and every letter of everything said? I mean its not like you can belive what is actually said without reading in between the lines? Right? Which brings me to females.

OK female as I am, I should know how awesome it is to be a female! But I have to say, its pretty shit from time to time!
We come in groups as well, or pairs, normally an equal number, three is a crowd. Females do not work in an unequal number. Their own insecurity and powertrips prohibits them. Because they need one person to bitch to about the other two. If three, well there will be a lot of bitching and no one will be friends in the end. I seen it to many times, and Im sure to see it again. They know how to play the game as well. They lure the hunters in with their looks, a sense of mystery, or the old saying "im not like other girls" and Im not jelaous, I dont bitch and I think like a man!...hmm Yeah right! Lets just say some females are better then others to hide their insecurity and neediness, but its still there!
They analyse everything you say, and I mean EVERYTHING! No means yes, yeas means no and god knows what maybe means! They say everything is OK, when in reality is the opposite, they complain and say everything is shit, when things are quite god. They run on emotions, while men runs on logic. They expect the unexpected but they dont like suprises. the key is to love them, no matter what, reassure them always and try to read their minds. Easy!
And whatever you do, do not get involved in their relationships with their friends! Casue they will bitch about them, leaving the poor male thinking they are bad friends. But no, the more they bitch, the more they care. Usually. Once they are not talking about anyone, then something is really wrong!

So how are the male sex and female sex actually able to work togheter? Thats one of the world biggest secrets, but Im sure it will take a lot of patience from both sides. Males need to go out, play the field and be hunters before they settle. And females, please stop thinking you can change him! YOU CANT!
So I heard once all a male wants when they marry a girl, is for her to stay the same. She wont, change is constant. All a female wants is for the male to change into something else, and once he does, they complain its not the same man they married.
Its quite hallerious thinking these species want eachother. I know I cant live without them, neither do I want too. But if there is one thing Im sick of, it is to hide my own feelings so I can be on the same level as the male. Sometimes they just need to accept we are neurotic freaks...but we will take care of you always!

Like I said, if you dont like stereotypes this was not for you. But after discussing this with various ppl, this is the normal stereotype of males and females from there own point of view!

saturday

Sometimes it is best not to ask a question when you dont want to face the answer

Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best.
Harold W. Dodds

Insecurity can hit your from anywhere at any point, when you let it.
So how to we avoid it? By living in the unknown?
Perhaps that is for the best for a while.
It seems that even though we all work on it, everyone is insecure now and then.
I guess with age we learn how to be stronger, or perhaps we just learn how to deal with it.
I mean do we really just stop?


Saturday afternoon. Got up in the morning, then decided to go back to bed again for a few more hours.
Made my self a nice brekkie with mushrooms, scrambled eggs and avocado.
Having a lazy day cleaning and just being.
Feeling a bit down, but nothing that wont pass in due time.
Maybe its the low after the high so to say.

Looking at two taco bill hats in the landroom. Had a really good night there the other night. Nice food, good friends and plenty of large Margharitas!
A good celebration before exam time.
Time to get my lazy ass up and get started on the cleaning.

I belive my housemates are having a competition who can play their music the loadest, So maybe I should put mine on too!

Positivity Vs Negativity

We have all been told from time to time to lighten up, smile, be happy and think positive thoughts and everything will be OK! Law of attraction and blaha blaha.
When someone is hurting you hug them and tell them it will all be OK in the end. And we know it will, and so do they. But there is no need to rush it.
Sometimes someone says I don't think I can do this, and we reply of course you can stay positive. Because when your positive you can do anything! Right?

Why are people so scared about negative thoughts, I mean what if we really cant do anything? Or what is having a bit of self doubt from time to time just makes us human? Must of the things I have accomplished through my life have been through negativity, it makes me determined thinking I cannot do something.
And instead of having building up your hate inside you, release it in your thoughts from time to time.
After all it is a feeling and we need to acknowledge that.
As with all things, I believe balance is the key. Being a Libra I life after that statement.
Not every day are made for smiles, sometimes a smile is just not what you want to do. Sometimes you want to hate the world. As long as you just do it for a while and then get back to it again.

New research shows pessimism is on the rise. Often in life when you have been successful in something, you get over confident and expect to be successful again, forgetting how hard your worked for it. Times like this pessimism or "defensive pessimism" as its called will actually help you succeed again.

Either way at the end of the day you just have to keep it real. Create a balance, be prepared for negativity, and welcome positivity. Don't just have one or the other since they both complement each other. Its about being strategic, and use the two mindsets to your advantage. Recognizing the need of the situation. I mean can a person really be truly happy and smiling 100% of the time? And if they are, I don't want to be around when their bubble finally bursts!

2011 Germany was seen as the most positive nation in the world! Followed by Australia and Canada. The most negative was Irak, North-Korea and Pakistan. I think we can all understand why! Nothing against Germany but I found that a bit surprising, but good on them!

Self-Motivation

It takes a great deal to go out on a wander. To discover something new.
They say if your wander your lost, trying to find yourself or perhaps something else.
But just because you wander, doesn't not mean your lost. Maybe you are exactly where your suppose to be.
After all dont we all need to go on a wander from time to time?
When was the last time you tried something new, saw something you never seen before, felt something that has been hidden for a long time.
When did life become ordinary and when did we settle for that?
What happened to the curiosity and amazement we felt as kids...
The great thing about a day, is that you wake up and you dont know what doors will be open. You dont know how you will feel when you go to bed, you dont know how much will change in a course of a few hours.
You might not know until a lifetime later, how that little event on a normal day changed the course of your life forever.

People often give up, frighetened by how far it is left to go. What they dont do is stop, to see how far they already gone. The hardest part climbing a mountain, is the part just before you reach the top.
So in saying that, I will find my motivation again, take a deep breath and keep on walking. And I will enjoy it! After all, this is my life.

Yes its Hell, its hard, its challenging and exhausting. But once its done its done and we will feel better for it!

Culture

Tourism and culture has since long had a symbiotic relationship. While tourism is about traveling through distances, culture is often seen as the motivation for travel. Culture can be defined as a process, a particular way of life for a certain group of people. The two main elements in cultural tourism are the search for learning and the search for authenticity. This opens up the discussion of what is authentic and to whom. It is argued that authenticity is in the eye of the beholder. It has also been argued to be the new romanticism, where people are in quest for their spirituality and new encounters.

After I visted Melbournes Immigration museum, I started thinking about Australias long history of Immigration, and how that is connected to the culture here .

Australia as a nation is built on immigration, from the first settlers arriving in New South Wales 1788, to the convict era, the gold rush and forward to immigration today. The European settlers came in and claimed the land as their own, ignoring the fact that the aboriginals had been here for over 40,000 years. 1835 the first settlers arrived in Victoria at Port Philip Bay. From then on Victoria and Melbourne have grown into one of the most multicultural locations in the world. Reasons for migrating to Australia has been as many as there have been migrants. The journey by sea in the 19^th century was often long and painful. During the 2^nd world war people flew to Australia for political reasons. Others were forced to leave as in the case of Britain’s child migrants. Often forgotten, these children where sent to english colonies over the world. They where promised a better life, yet most found it difficult and grew up under rough conditions, little love and attention and often being abused. The reason for this was that Britian  wanted to keep the 'white stock' in their colonies, Australia being one of them.

Other stories reflect happiness once arriving on Australia’s shores after fleeing poverty, political unrest and social discrimination. Regardless of the reason, it is evident Immigration is as much Australia as the beaches surrounding its shores.

The one thing that stands out at the museum is the feeling of connecting with other cultures and heritages. Once leaving the visitor view Melbourne and Australia as a country of hope and happiness. The common theme throughout eras of migration was one of new beginnings. I started reflecting over my own identity, where I come from and what my family story looks like. While the stories in the Immigration museum reflect life’s and journeys of others, I could not help to think what my story would look like one day.

there is a meaning to everything

You talk of faith, but when did you have faith in me, faith in you?

You glorify love and regard it highly but are your loving suppose to be this painful?

What you’re looking for is a companion, a true friend…

You come home and walk past me, through me, you don’t see me

From time to time your break down and ask for forgiveness

As tears rolling down your face, tears are rolling down mine

You say you love me, yet your actions show something else

It’s not enough, yet you have more than most

You avoid your reflection, you can’t face who you become

As I leave you behind me, the pain is unbearable

You taught me to choose myself

For that I’m ever grateful

staying

So woke up this morning but could not find my self getting up. Im still in bed.
I start class in 10, and I just dont care at all. I dont care about  uni, training, work.
All I can think about is finding a way to stay here.
I miss my home, I always will. It will always be home.
But Aus will not always be home unless I make it my home.
Every nerv in my body tells me to stay...But how???
The longer the waiting the sweater the kiss they say.
I been here 4 years and Im still not one step closer from when I started
I feel like giving up and accept a life somewhere else,
somewhere where I dont want to live. But I guess I can make it work somehow
I know some people think Im crazy, whats so bad with living somewhere else...
But if you found the place your ment to be, why keep looking??
If you find yourself fitting in at this place, why start over again?
If you found the person you want to be in a place that makes you happy, wouldnt u fight to stay??
There is nothing that say I wont feel different in the future, but I cant imagine I would
I know everything happens for a resaon, but this time I cant see what that could be

Useless Arvo

I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up
... it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be.

Sunday afternoon.  I'm waiting for something but bot sure what yet. Had a crazy weekend, felt like I was 20 again! However I did lose my camera which I'm very upset about, had all my holiday pics on it :(  Went out Friday night, spent Sat on the coach with Simpson and Thai food. Up this morning for work. Tomorrow its Monday and the week will start all over again.

Made a list today, 10 things to do before end of 2012, think I will Succeed?? Well have to wait and see

1. Travel around Oz (either NT, WA or SA)
2. Get a Graduate Visa
3. Go to Sweden and see my family
4. Take a dance class
5. Do Bikram Yoga
6. Get and bloody Iphone
7. Get fit (hmm, again!)
8. Finish Uni with all A's
9. Continue writing on my book
10. Be Happy!

Nothing to exciting ahead of me, but its the start of new beginnings! So less then an hours left at work. This day has gone pretty dam fast after all. Time to go home, finish the presentation for tomorrow, clean up after the weekend and go to bed early!

Oh and what did I learn this weekend, take nothing for granted and always go with the flow!

One of those days

Today has been one of those days....One of those days your thoughts takes you away somewhere else.
I been thinking a lot lately about the meaning of events occuring in our everyday life. I came to the conclusion it is harder to find something that gave you nothing, rather then finding a meaning in things.
Each personal encounter we have with others will lead us somewhere, will teach us something.
If we draw up our lives on a piece of paper, Im sure we can all find that one thing has lead us to another.
Times when things seems hard, I try to think Im doing all of this for something.

But without sounding like Im complaing, sometimes its hard being here. Away from whatever it is I call home. Maybe this is home now I dont know. I cannot see the end of the road Im walking on yet, its pretty much the other way. It just started.
It seems though, everything is changing so quickly around me I dont have time to take it all in. I try my best to have some sort of plan for the future, an idea where I will be next year, what I will do. I said so many times I will get there, I will not take no for an answer. So far every road has taken me closer to that goal.

But what if I cant make it? What if it all will fall flat? What if I have to start over once again? As the year is progressing so will my fear of failure. I see my self as a strong person, independent and someone who knows what I want. Or what I dont want. But Im also fighting so hard beacuse Im so scared of failure. Im scared of not reaching my goal, but quite honestly Im not sure what that is yet.
Im scared of loosing motivation, not being a good friend, not staying in touch with everyone as much as I should. Im scared of becoming selfish, because right now I only have my self. Im scared of loosing more people close to me, making new friends, not getting a good job once I finish uni.
Im afraid people will look at me and think its just not enough.
Must of all Im afraid of getting stuck in my comfort zone and stop learning, stop developing, stop feeling.
Im afraid I will never met the one.

But despite that I get up every day and I do my best, I learn, I try to work on my weaknesses. I might not always physically be there for my friends and family, but Im always mentally.
I try to be me and noone else. I walk against the crowd if I feel I need to. I try to think of others and put my self in their shoes and not judge.I look for the small things in life, the ones that makes me smile.
I guess this is what we all call life, despite our fears we will still do our best.
Somedays I beleive it is okey to feel like this, reflect on what we have, what we lost and what we can do better.

Being scared is not being weak, its human and we all get scared from time to time.

Queensland

It is with mixed feelings I arrived back home to Melbourne yesterday.
What was ment to be a fun holiday before uni starts again turned into something else.
It was fun, It was great actually...maybe to great.
I feel like it might be time to move on, live somewhere else. Try something different perhaps.
Still here in the land down under of course.
Either way, 1 more year of uni left so plenty o time to see what doors will open and what doors will close.

Sitting at work now, its 6.20 am and its raining outside. Of course. All I saw in surfers the last week was rain and more rain! It was till a fun place if you like to party, which we did!
I just really feel I should be somewhere else right now just not sure where.
But work will do for now, we alll need money hey.

Meet so many great ppl this past few weeks, some left more of an impression than others and there is a few I really hope to see again!

To make the trip short I went to Airlie Beach where I meet up with Pernilla. From there we went sailing around whitsundays. It was amazing and one of my highlights of the trip! I feel so home on the water!
From there we made our way down to Agnes Water/1770. Nice quite coastal town. We did some surfing and Scooteroos! It was so hard to surf but so much fun!

We spent three nights there and it was so quite and relaxing. Probably the only place I really relaxed.
From there it was off to Hervey bay where we would take the ferry over to Fraser Island for 3 days of camping and 4WD. With dingos! It was a truly beautiful and amazing place. And there was plenty of drinking games going on at nighttime! When we came back to Hervey Bay to stay the night in a hostel you could say that I had a pretty good sleep after a packed few days!

But the next day there was no time for rest as we where off to Noosa for 2 nights. Such a great little place. First day I walked around with a girl from Austria and had a look around. After that it was partytime!
The high heels and the make up went on and off we went! Ended up at an afterparty swimming in a pool to 6.30am in the morning.
I was prettu tired the next day but dragged my ass out of bed and went to the beach where the iron man competition was on. Next day we walked the coastal track in the national park which was so nice before we got on the bus once again to go to Brisbane.

We decided to only do one night in Brisbane, and that was probably a good plan since there was not much to see. Once again the party hat went on, we went to china town for a nice dinner and then back to the hostel where they had a club. A fun night!
But no time to rest or be hung over, following day I did some sightseeing and then we took the train to Surfers Paradise.

We stayed in Surfers for almost a week. We had ONE day on sun then it was rain and more rain. However meet some awesome people there as well, went on a pubcrawl, played minigolf, did some shopping and  other things you can do when its raining (which is not much).
Had a funny feeling about that place, I liked it because I had so much fun, but I disliked it as well as far as what it stands for. Very mixed feelings. A true party place though with all that comes with it.
Last day we went to Wet n Wild water park, that was so much fun! They had so many water slides and some of them scared the shit out of me, but I tried them all!

Next day we arrived back in melb only 6 hours late since the flights where delayed.
And here I am, back at work, back to uni, back to reality...
This trip was good for me in every way, it still so recent but I learnt so much about my self and others. What I can accept and what I cannot. What I should work on and when its time to just leave things.
But most of all how to just live in the moment and enjoy right here and now.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason, just not sure what the reasons are now but it will come.

The Quest for Happiness

I got off the bus and started walking. Should I wait for the tram should I not? I walked one stop went in to 7/11, got a drink and then decided to wait the remaining 5 minutes for the tram. I looked up at the sky, I could see a few stars. For one second it felt like i was somewhere else. There I was sitting alone, in the middle of the night somewhere in Melboure. Blending in with the rest of the people.
But I didn't feel lonely..
The stars reminded me of being a teenager, and the many walks I took late at night by my self. Looking at all the starts and thinking about the meaning of life.
Now I'm doing the same thing, just in a different setting.
I started to smile a little bit, thinking about my younger naive self.
Suddenly I thought, am I happy? Do I know when Im happy? Or is being happy just not being unhappy?

Happiness for me is a state of mind. It is something I create and something I chose to be. Actions by others can make you happy or unhappy. That is if you chose to be affected by it. Relationships can create happiness, with your family, friends and lovers.
The past is something I can now look back at and smile, remember it for what is was. Not glorify it, not ignore it, just accept it. The future looks bright but I will not strees. The universe will lead me to where Im ment to be. It is the now that matters.
And the now is pretty good. I feel positive and stronger than I have in a long time. I chose to be happy.
I guess I cannot say where the source of happiness comes from, what it really means and how to get there. And not really anyone can.

Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources.

‘All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.’ ~Blaise Pascal

There is no room for negativity around me.
If you stand up for yourself, accept nothing less than what your worth, smile at things that makes you sad...than I believe you have found what its called happiness. Being you with no restrictions.
And if you lose it, just remember who you are and you will find your way back again.
Power of attraction...what you think you will attract, so start thinking positive thoughts!