Xmas Time

Christmas is around the corner, a new year is about to begin. Again!

I would like to say thank you to all of my friends around the world, and friends I had and lost, and thank you to my wonderful family!
You have all been a part of my life and helped me become a person, an individual.
You have pushed me to do things Im scared off, to step outside my comfort zone. You have been there through hard times when I just couldn't stand alone.
You have laughed and loved with me.
And you have also brought me back to earth and told me off when I needed to hear it.
You have all had an impact in my life in one way or the other, some more some less.
And for that I love you all!
For the first time in my life I feel safe and grounded in my own body, with my personality. I feel like Im starting to know who I am.
After all the years of struggle, up and downs, anger, love and sadness. I still have all of those feel;ings but now I know how to deal with them
And I have to say I like my self now. Who I have become.
And for the things I would like to change, I will, but nothing comes overnight.

For me christmas is not a big deal. Especially not when Im here. Christmas is snow. If there is any time of the year I get depressed for being away it is this time. But its also a time when I can reflect on what Ive done, where my life is headed and be happy for everything I have experienced so far. And be happy for the wonderful people I have in my life, both here and back in Sweden.

So Merry Christmas to you all! I hope you receive everything you wish for, but mostly I hope your are all happy and safe whereever you are.
xoxoxo

Home

Its not like I dont get it, I do. But maybe its better to pretend that I dont.
Playing smart or playing stupid?
Either way, I know I get it thats all I need to know.
The way you see me, the way you think I am, the good things you see in me, the bad things you see in me. They are all things YOU see in me. I do care how people view me. But how well do you really know me?
Do you know me well enought to discuss my actions? Do you feel you know me well enough to judge me?
Our actions is not always smart calculated choices, somethimes its plain stupidity.
But isnt that the whole idea? What is so wrong with doing wrong if you learn from it?
And remember what is wrong for me might not be wrong for you.

As I was reading through some old posts and I started missing people. My friends and family at home. But also friends here that I no longer have contact with for different reasons. I missed the feeling of feeling at home so to say. I do feel at home here, but I havent been here for that long yet. I havent created that homly feeling. Maybe I shoud start by organising my room.
Home is where the heart is. Im just not so sure where mine is at the moment.

Wasabi makes everything better

Its spicy, its hot, a bit sour? Clears your throuth. Yeah It makes it all better.
And its so amazingly good!

Lesson of the week is to distance my self from others problems. Not to let my self get affected. Accept it as it is.
I feel content at the moment, happy and excited.
I do not want to lose that feeling, so I wont.
The difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.
So yeah there will be bad days, but it will not be anyone elses fault.
And yes there will be people to piss you off, but its up to you how you approach  it.

Tomorrow is a new day.
Hopefully one with a good attitude

Monday Morning (I thought I changed since yesterday)

This was me when I arrived in OZ 2008 for a working holiday. The plan was to be gone one year at tops. Now its the end of 2011 and Im still here.
So many things has changed but so many things are still the same. Its seems like all around me everyone is growing up, moving on into new phases of their life. I feel like I have been in a bubble for two years at least. But a pretty good one.
I was reading a post i made a year ago about lies. So true. I have moved on now, and it feels so good.
Kelly was over friday night and we had a blast! Shes always there and for that I love her!
Monday today, I wonder what this week will bring. I need to step up my game a bit, do some preparation for work and get started on my training again. Oh and we got a pool at the house so I have to try that one out as well! There is no time for distractions, this next year coming is going to be a big one. I hope whatever happens I will be happy in the decisions that are taken for me, and maybe I can finally move in to the next phase of life.
But first the scanning awaits me!

One year to go!

Another year of uni has just finsihed. Still waiting for results but all the exams are OVER!
Its been maybe the best semester so far. Probably because I did not stress I was just so over everything that had to do with school that I just didnt care.
Either way I had fun so thats what matters!
I have got ride of my car, moved into a sharehouse and started working in the office again! Things are good at the moment.
I will start doing some more work over the holidays which Im looking forward to. I have also been invited to talk about social media from a students perspective at La Trobe Learning and curriculum conferance in December. Im looking forward to it but Im a bit nervous as well.
There are also 2 major things happening next year, one is my homies wedding and I will miss it. I feel horrible and it really sucks but they are no funds to go home ate the moment. And the same goes for my sister, I wish I could be home with her as well but its in the middle of the semester!
Next year will be the last year then Im finsihed with my degree. As much as its exciting I also need to decide whats next. That will be the hard part. I wish I will have the option to stay as I am not ready to leave just yet.
I have decided to learn spanish next semester, the time has come! It will be a challange but I can do it!
I wish I could tell you more interesting things, but they really are none at the moment. I kind of like it like that though.
I suppose I need to get back to the scanning, one hour to go then its time to go home, prep for 2morrow morning and jump into bed!

End of another week,

This week I have

• got my car serviced
• payed for my car to get serviced :(
• seen a phsycic
• starting to think about my future (again)
• been very happy and smiled every day
• attempted to be organised
• started a diet which fucked up as soon as the weekend hit
• seen my mentor and practice interviews
• been accepted to become a mentor
• volunteerd at Business chicks brekkie with Richard Branson
• started to work on some ideas for a painting
• brought back my child self to life
• said anyone waiting 5000000000 times
• worked with the bestest ppl

And through all that, one thing that has been on my mind is, even though I have felt happpy it has been mixed with the thought of you want what you cant have, and what you can have you usually dont want

Week coming will be interesting I hope, busy with a few obstacles to clime but hopefully a great one! And a week that will sort out these confusing  thoughs running through my head . Life is to short ton stress, what ever happen will happen...and can someone get the aussie dollar to drop I would be forever greatful!

Inspiration

 All my sisters and my brother





Dad Doing his thing!

 He might be gone but hes always with me my little Bongo!

My pretty little niece! I have 2 more, one that is soon able to go to the pub! And the boy who is taller then me (not fair)










Camilla, my brothers pretty wife on her hensnight, he really hit the jackpot there!

 Me and sis pretending to be cool!

My funny and kareoke loving cousins!

Home





Thinking about the good things in life, great family and friends, gives me the inspiration. I know I sound old when I say it, but the years do fly by!












Best Mum anyone can ever find!

Moving On

Moving on seems inventible, whetter it is from work, relationships, friends, where we life and does habits we all wish we did not have. Yep moving on is a part of life. It’s exciting; it is something new, something with endless possibilities….

Or is it?

Do we ever stop to think what we are moving on from? If we are stuck in that comfortable circle where nothing is really bad, but maybe not really good either, should we then make a decision and move on? But were?

If there is something I found out is that moving on is great in the beginning, then you start to question the decisions taken. What if what we moved from was better then what we found?

At the moment there are a lot of good, loving and wonderful things developing. And I’m grateful for it. But it is also and endless struggle every day, much harder then what it was before. I’m now starting to question whetter the positive is weighing out the negative.

I’m stubborn and I will not stop, even though I’m not sure what I’m looking for anymore or if I ever will find it. But sometimes the journey is more then the destination.

Moving on will hopefully makes life easier in a sense but again it depends on where you’re going.

The term I’m moving on we have all heard, said and experienced.

But if you find something great in life, something that makes you happy inside and out…why move on from it?

Then again, one thing can be great, ten things can be bad…but maybe that one thing is worth it. Staying true to your self and what you want and feel is the hardest thing you can do…And I still have a long way to go to get there. So I guess I just have to move on and see where the universe takes me.

My Favorite thing is to go somewhere I Have never been,
to find something I have never experienced, good or bad, happy or sad, 

Friday as I know it

I was reading the paper today and it said that many ausytalians suffers from seasonal depression.This due to the fact that it is dark and cold during winter. It gets dark around 6 maybe, suns up around 7-8. and yeah its pretty cold from time to time. No snow though, not in melb anyway.
If Australians get depressed from their winter, i guess swedes, in paritcular the ones above the arctic circle must be close to going absolute loco! I mean, darkness 24/7 for 2 months! Then winter for 6-7 months! Yep loco it is.
You should all be happy u still have ur sanity left!
Its 20 post six at night, I have to leave in about 2 hours for my nightshift.
Got no motivation to do anything, im still in my pyjamas...well at least I did some study not much but a bit. So another weekend of work, another week of study (or half a week) and then I might get my social life back! Enjoy ur weekend everyone!

stress

Its funny how stress can get to you. Even when you think its not there. Well now I have learned to see it coming. When such a simple think like a broken oven makes you go nuts, well then is definatly something wrong. The smallest thing makes you have a nrevous breakdown.
They say stress can come from a lot of things. Well when you have no kids, and not even a full time job...the stress must come from somewhere else.
For me its exams. They might not seem to stressful to start with, or during the exam period, But after a while you can definatly feel the pressure. The pressure I have put on my self to be the best and better.
Working and studying is hard, and struggle financially is harder. As well as being away from home. And all those things combined plus the exam period has made me go over the edge. At least I understand what it is that makes me feel like this, and I know it will pass. But it dosent make it any easier. So when you come home and the oven is broken and your shoes are broken, combined with a broken car light...Yeah I think its fair to say it was a bit to much.
I cant fix the oven or buy new shoes or fix the car asap. But really they are minor issues, they are other shoes, you can cook without an oven and I just have to get a light and fix the car my self. So now after two hours of mental breakdown, I have calmed down and can now see things as a rational person. Lucky no one was home. If there is something else I learned is that im not exactly the best company when Im stressed. So Im looking forward to brighter days and to find my normal self again. Only one exam left then a break. At least it will give me some time to do all the other things i freak out about and have now time doing.
Sort out everything for my visitors is prio nr 1!
Yeah stress can be hard when we are put under pressure. But I have been there before I know it will past. But sometimes you need an hour or two to freak out,  get it all out of your system and then start over. Breaking it all down in manageble pieces and do one thing at a time. Really there is no point freaking out about things that have not yet occured and may never occur.
So tonight I will take a break from everything, watch a good show, go to bed early and start a new day tomorrow. Hopefully later down the track I will realised what I learned, even it nothing is making sence at the moment. But with such a strong drive to continue, it has to be worth it in the end, right?

Not so productive day!

Woke up way to late, got my tired so over exams, I need a holiday and a bottle of vodka ass to school. Once there the book I wanted was not in reserve, however it was due around that time so I decided to wait. I saw the book walking in (or the person walking in with the book) and my face put on a smile. There it is! Until the lady decided to re borrow the book. Now you are not allowed to do so so I went after her and explained that it was my turn to have the book. She looked at me rather confused, I pointed at the book and said you cant reborrow the book if there is someone else waiting for it...she still seemed rather confused. So I took the book from her and said come back in three hours!

The book was mine!

I should really have said one hour because thats how long i used it for. The guy sitting next to me in the library had the most annoying laugh and he would not stop laughing! So I decided to go and meet my friends at a cafe. I got directions and off I went. Well I went to the right cafe, did not see them...drove around for a while and decided to go home. Of course I had no credit. Im a student...Im poor! Got home called her up, and yes they where there, I just didnt look properly. Well not much to do about that. So I thought I have to look up all these things before I get back to study, download itunes and some music. Then I was hungry and decided to cook up satay chicken for the rest of the week. Now I have done all that and run out of must do things. I guess it is time to return to study. Exam is tomorrow! Im so over it! My life is so freaking boring atm and I need a drink! And even if I wanted to esacpe I cant since there is no planes taking off due to the stupid ash...

And happy birthday to my little sis! xx

Immigration, stay or go...what do a person do??

One of the current, extremely controversial issues discussed around the world is immigration.  Is immigration in the different forms or shapes ethical? Or is the notion of “take care of your self before anyone else” the way to go? Where does a society draw the line? Is it all right to make sure their current citizens have everything before taking care of someone else…But what if that someone else have nothing and not being able to build a new life would most likely kill them…Is it really ethical saying no to that? It is about life and death, do we reach out or hand or do we feed our own?

Immigration comes in many different forms, immigrating due to family, work, school, partners ect. In Australia’s case immigration has built the country. Today people are continuing immigrating here to fill the skilled workers shortages or to live with their family members. It has been proven that the benefits of immigration is far more then the costs. Not only are people immigrant filling up the work shortage but is contributing to the social welfare system and infrastructure by paying taxes, starting new businesses and contributing with innovation which sets Australia on the world map. In the long rum Immigration is successful and is continuing to be successful. The cost however is mostly associated with integration the new people in society and the cost of language courses (refugees get no special payments for being refugees). These are minor costs compared to the benefits. It is also a fact that 98% of Australians are descendents of migrants.

However illegal immigration is and will continue to be a problem. And I am not talking about the so called “boat people” since they only account for 10&% of illegal immigrants each year. That they have received so much media attention and hostility is something I cannot understand considering when there is another 90% to take care of, where are they??? And they are probably the ones needing this “new life” less then the refugees. Again this is going back to the ethical dilemma, what does a country do? Well if you ask me, sitting home complaining about it is not helping anyone. We are all entitled to our opinions of course but be sure to have informed opinions. The journey these refugees goes though is not an easy one, Im definatly looking forward to see this show, hopefully people will think differently about them after that.

And yes, Australia population is growing quickly; there is a shortage of housing and of course water. Immigration need to be more regulated and taken care of. The current citizens need to have food, water and shelter before bringing others in. I guess this is why this is such a dilemma, there is no easy way to deal with these things in my opinion. I’m not a citizen my self, and I am struggling with the thought of maybe not being able to stay if I chose I would like to. But if that means that I’m giving up my place to someone who needs it more, I’m quite happy to do so.  But if I stay, start a business, employ people and bring in money to the economy, have I not done well then? But again, how many people can one country fit? Questions are followed by another question. I have trust in the systems, at least some parts of it. And I belive there is not an easy answer to these things and I trust that the people that have been elected are doing their best. I´m sure I cant do better. There are so many problems and things that needs attention in a society, there fore there will always be things getting less attention and less money…Simply because there is not enough money and no system is perfect. We just need to learn how to life with it all and do our best or simply go out there and try to change what we are not happy with!

http://www.immi.gov.au/media/publications/research/social-costs-benefits/contents_exec_summary_and_intro.pdf

First Love

When I think back of the men in my life, so far anyway I’m not really sure what went on in my head sometimes. Well some choices I have to say I’m proud of, one or two that to this day seems unnecessary and plain idiotic and most I see as learning experiences. Whether they where long term relationships, flings or distant meetings in the night they all have something in common. They reflect my own insecurity, wants and needs. It’s like a reverse mirror of my self and who I was at a particular point in time.

Somehow I just did not get it. I did not understand what a soul mate is, maybe I still don’t. I chose with fear of really letting go and be without control. Sometimes I think I chose for selfish reasons. Well I know I did. Don’t we all?

What I never looked for and what I don’t believe I found to this day is a true companion. A person that push you to succeed and become a better human being than you ever thought where possible. A person who catches you those times you fall, because falling is inventible.

Someone that shares you values and underlying assumptions on what life should be like. Or at least some of them, and maybe create new ones together.

A true friend.

I do believe I had and still have true friends. People to push me and catch me, friends that share my views and visions of a perfect world.

There was a guy once in my life, he was all that if not even more. He made me laugh, and yeah he did make me cry sometimes. I should add to this that I am supersensitive so it is not hard to make my cry. But it is hard to break me.

Anyway that man or maybe a boy who he was at the time was my first love.

I was young, life was good and it was summer. Butterflies where in my stomach every time I saw him, heard his voice or talked about him. My face was smiling every day, every night. My eyes where full of life and happiness. It was true love because it was the first love and it was great!

As with many things great they come to an end. I was heartbroken. I though life was over and all that was left was a big black whole. Even today thinking back at it, it was an extremely strong and just heart aching feeling. It made me physical ill.

It was the first meeting with lost love, and it was so hard. I did not know as a young girl just experience my first love that the feeling would pass and life would move on.

And it did, however the experience was so innocent and it was without restrictions. Only time I let my self get lost in love without trying to control, manipulate and change someone to what I would like my partner to be.

As u grow older, it gets harder...Im happy I had my first love, and the loves I had after. It gives your life a meaning, sharing it with others.

flashback 2

Got another flashback,´...how life did not turn out as what I expected several years ago. Miss those times, they seem so distance now but still like yesterday. I screwed it all up but maybe for the best. This song will always remind me of xmas and newyears 2002...and beginning of 2003. Miss you all! And miss my obsession with 24 and that game...hmm cant remeber now what the name was but I was hooked! xx

Jamie Oliver

Jamie Oliver, Richard Branson, Bill Gates and so many more…what do they share?? They are all entrepreneurs, business entrepreneurs and social entrepreneurs. Fantastic Inspiring people that make us feel like dreams can come true.

My favorite is Jamie Oliver, He might be known to many as a chef with a TV show, but what he has done to change the way people eat and think of food is fantastic! He change the way the UK school system coked their food, and educate people in the danger of eating processed food. Okay I can say I am not a health freak; however I am an adult I choose what I eat and I am informed of the consequences of my choices. Kids are not, So Good On you Jamie!! Once voice, determination and a believing in the cause can make us all go a long way.

Richard Branson, I am so looking forward to seeing him in July! I have high expectations and I am sure he will not disappoint me….

My interest in life comes from setting myself huge, apparently unachievable challenges and trying to rise above them...from the perspective of wanting to live life to the full, I felt that I had to attempt it /Richard Branson

His life has not been a dance on roses, perhaps that was has made him so successful. The new initiative in Virgin Atlantic, who else would come up with that? I can only wish I would have the money to get a ticket :)
Either way, these people not only works as an inspiration for success but they all share a common mission of giving back. This is the people that make the world go around in my eyes. You can be rich and GIVE back to your community, which is the good part about being rich and influential, as long as you use it the right way!

I need to return to my studies about business strategies, what else to do on Friday afternoon? Seems like 9 out of 10 people at the library is sitting on facebook, seems to be the way to go!

Indigenous Communities, what went wrong??

As I was sitting down, preparing for my entrepreneur exam I came across a chapter about disadvantaged entrepreneurs. Not suprisingly indigenous people where a part of that. This got me thinking, these people have a cultural connection to a land on earth and was there long before colonasation came into the picture, or people who lives in non-urbanised areas..or the very definition of indigenous community: members of a group that share a culture, the natives of the land they live on...
They all have common characteristics around the world, they have low education levels, social deprivation, poor health, poverty and so much more! Why is this? What happend and why is this a problem across all continents and cultures. Some suffer more, some less...some are doing good, others have not yet been accepted by the rest of society.

The sami people for instance (Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia) I have always had nothing else but respect for them growing up, maybe because it is such a big part of Kirunas history, maybe because I never heard anything bad at home, perhaps they where better off then others...who knows. Either way as far as I see it, everyone should be treated with respect. I think sometimes the developing world forgets that we can learn from others instead of always trying to teach them,

However, in the nineteenth century Norwegian authorities suppressed the Sami culture in order to make the Norwegian language and culture universal. A strong economic development of the north also took place, giving Norwegian culture and language priority status. On the Swedish and Finnish side, the authorities were much less militant in their efforts, but economic development of the north led to a weakening of status and economy for the Sami.
The strongest pressure took place from around 1900 to 1940, when Norway invested considerable money and effort to wipe out Sami culture. (new world encyclopedia)

Why?? However there are far worse off indigenous communities, The natives of Australia for example, said to have been here for 50 000 years, from 1869-1968 the different states of Australia removed the children of the indigenous communities. The reasons to remove the children is still said to be unknown. The chidlren where removed and moved to other areas without a reason or explanation to the families. Why I wonder?? Again it is a hard question to answer.

Who have not heard about the removal of native americans, the war that was fought stopping the "white" people entering their land, the reservations and the many apologizes 200 years later. Dont get me wrong, I have nothing against the colonasation around the world, countries developing, new cultures emerging. Im just wondering why the indigenous people all around the world have been mistreated, in some countries to such extent it is hard to imagine? All countries have their excuse, but what is the common thing here??
If you ask me I would say greed and a lack of understanding of cultures and differences between societies. However today it is not an exuse anymore, we know better, we are doing better.

But isnt there still that little thing in the back of our mind?? That they are not like us, we are not like them? I dont know I can only think what I think. But I do belive it is time to stop focusing on material things, profits and fame.
Maybe we should ask our self where we came from, what is our history and how can we keep or culture? In that I mean EVERYONE. We all live here, we have to share even if we like it or not...

As I once heard, without love our hate, the world would be a perfect place...(but probably very boring)


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stolen_Generations

Lazy

2 exams to go!!!
what a feeling! Still in bed it is 11am and I need to drag my ass to the library. But sometimes there is nothing better then lying in bed snoozing. ON the other hand libraryt close at 10pm so I got time. Was going to the movies butv study has to come first! "morrow its friday and another weekend of work, watching the drunken crowd move through the night eating pizza and complain abougt prizes. And all crazy outfirs of course!
Planning to take my guest to Great Ocean Road when they come, second time for me but what the heck!! Wouldnt mind going back to that pier thing..ok time to get up! xx

Flashback

Spoke to My Friend Sandra Yesterday! Ahhhhhhhh the memories, govenor Andy singing this song at an "after party" 6am in the morning as I just got off my nightshift, working the VIP bar at the Kiruna festival! Had like 2 beers and it was on haha, and still manage to get to work the next day to do another night! Had so much fun that summer, I miss it!

Sambuca Baileys and white wine was the go! Went to Borås, was suppose to be there for a couple of days but ended up staying for over a week and almost moved there haha. Good Times Indeed!
So new plan, Sandra we are Moving to London!!

Miss, miss, miss the swedish summer! I have to come home nxt summer! The go would be if I could work the summer months in Australia and summer months in Sweden, and mo more winter!

Anyways, had my economic exam this morning, went allright I belive. Next one next week. Today Im taking a break from study, tomorrow its on again. Only 1 year and a half to go, absolute crazy! So in september dad stefan and Camilla is coming...so much fun! Cant wait to show them life as I know it in the land down under!! xx

life a la homesick swede!

marry the life you have created
create the life you want to marry

I have been struck by emptyness

Drink a glas of water my mum use to say when I said I felt empty. I have a feeling she might have been referring to hunger, but funny enough...when that feeling takes over I find my self drinking a glass of water and it actually works


I miss mother nature, I miss the trees, the smell of fresh air, the lake, rivers and mountains
I was not borned to live in complete isolation, but perhaps I was not borned to live like this either
I find my self thinking about camping, snow and fresh air. I need to get out of the smog!
I think a trip to Bright would be refreshing right now, when exams are over perhaps

Exams, that is what I should be doing. But I got the house to my self and I am Loving it! I use to belive I was a social creature..Now I have to say I love my own time..I seem to not want to go where there is a huge amount of people. I sometimes turn the radio down instead of up. I love complete silence!
Maybe this "city" life is starting to get to me, maybe cause I work at one of the most busiest locations in Melb CBD, maybe because the uni Library is flooded with exam victims and maybe because whereever you turn there is people! And if you have a day off and want to go out somewhere (on a public holiday) u will find the rest of the city chose to do the same thing!
Enough of complaining, I do love it...but sometimes I just want complete silence, no people, no crowds and no loud music! A nice cup of coffee with a friend at an empty cafe in the middle of nowhere would do me good right now!

3 exams to go! Then I will fix (and wash) my car, sort out the gym membership, do the stuff i have not had any time to do, watch a movie, escape the city, do my nails, maybe get an haircut and plan an intinerary for my family (half of it) coming in October! And read Knasen that hopefully will be on the way here soon!

But first off to bed, up in the morning, study economics get through the exam and burn the textbook!

Exams, work and life

I exam done, 3 to go!
This is a bust, stressful and exhausting time. As a lecturer said the other day, the only thing u learn from an exam, is to sit an exam.
It is hectic and my head hurts. But it is worth it and it can be pretty fun. A learning experience.
Off to work soon, friday night, sat night, sunday night. My life has turned into a cycle of habits. I feel I need to run! I need a challange, I need a bushwalk, I need to sail around the worl, I need to look for great whites outside Africas coast!
Ah well before I start going nuts, I need to finish my exam.
Meeting my mentor on monday, going through applications for graduate programs.
Might have some in the summer break, around rural areas in Queensland or NT. Working with projects, would be awesome!
Voulenteering at a business breakfast at the Crown in July. The speakers/guest is Richard Branson and Carrie Brickmore. Cannot wait!
There are a light in the tunnel after all! Maybe a trip to Rockhampton soon to see Martina aswell. But first a weekend of work and 4 weeks of exams. See u in July!

Lies

A lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive others.

Yep, we have all been there. We have either told one or we have been told one. Probably both. But do we ever sit back and think about the consequenses? What impact they really have?
Yes when someone told one to yourself.
There is nothing worse then seeing something slip away. A person being a friend, a partner, family member or whatever it is. A lie can destroy it all in seconds.
But whats worse? Hiding something in belive your protecting the other person from pain? Or telling the truth? I guess i depends on what the lie is about.
However I have noticed the latter seem to be the best. Whatever it is, it cant be worse then being led behind the light.
It casues so much pain, thinking about it, wonder, have your whole body shake with anger. Anger of not knowing.
It has happend before, and I have done my best to not put anyone else through that.
But what do we do when we are the one being led behind the light? How do we move on from it, how can we let it go? Will the anger and the hurt of losing a loved one ever go away?
It will slowly go away with time, but maybe not completly. We will miss that person, those times. And when it comes down to it, we will remember it all as a lie.
Its funny that the people that talks most about honesty, the ones who seem to cherish it highly, are the ones that ends up lying. For whatever reason they do it. The person on the other side will sit there, wonder. Was anything true? Was it all a lie? Was it all for nothing?
What is the lesson of all this? To learn self-controll, to learn how to be a better person? What is it?
I guess you wont find out, maybe not until years later. I guess you just have to suck it up, grief and move on. At the end of the day thats all we can do, move on.
Every time you put your trust in someone you risk being hurt. And when someone puts their trust on you, they risk being hurt. We can only do what we can do. But we can learn from our mistakes, we can be better people, we can make sure that we will never put anyone in that situation.
It hurts being there, not knowing, being betrayed.
I feel bad for what I have put some people through, I feel bad every time I cant controll my anger and I end up saying hurtful things. I cant take them back. I can only look for understanding and forgiveness.
I understand now, I have been there now. I have learnt from it. All that is left now is let time heal what is broken. Move on and be a better person from it.

There are so many things to be happy for, good friends, great family, good music and the smell of fresh air. There is no reason letting a lie come between that. Filling your time with things you enjoy and people you love will be the way to go. Every day is a day closer to closure.

The semester is coming to an end, only exams left now. Then it is time to relax for a while before it starts again. Melb winter has arrived and as much as I complained last year, its nice to get a break from the heat.
To my family back home, I miss you lots and will hopefully see you all soon! xx

winter has arrived

The winter has arrived. Its getting chilly and darker. Reminds me about the end of summer back home, reminds me of family and friends I miss. You always miss a best friend hey, as hard as it is life has to move on. It hurts sometimes to know your not involved in peoples life as much as you should. I know you cannot blame time, but life gets busy sometimes and you "forget", you leave it to later and you think one day it will all be fine. Maybe it wont, maybe its a new life on the horizon, at least I have the memories. They will always stay.
I went for a walk tonight, it was nice and chilly, dark and I had my ipod. I started thinking about expectations. Maybe we set them to high, not only on our self but on others as well. People are who they are, if you know a person you know how they are like, their good sides and their bad. So why is it that we expect things from them that we know will not come throu? we are really setting our self up for disappointment and the other person to feel like a failure. Im not saying we should not have any expectations on people, but maybe we should give our selfs and others a break sometimes.
We are only human and humans come with faults.
Life is a journey even though u feel like your not going anywhere, once you reach your goals you realise you where on your way all along. It was just to early to see.

Back to school!

So back In Australia after a quick cold visit in the homeland. I did not take long until it was all back to normal (or almost normal). School started about 5 weeks ago and time is going so fast! My life consists of study and more study. But have had time for fun as well, a visit down the peninsula, great weather and a great days!
This are some pics of my rooms, a night out and uni.
Start work tomorrow, have had the luxury of not working for a while but now its time to get back into it. Its a place at crown food court and it will probably be mostly nightshifts. Anyway we will see how tomorrow night turns out but Im excited to do something else!
I have moved as well about 2 weeks ago, Its so good to finally have my own room and my own space. Living with Kelly and her kids in Doncaster. So far so good!
Got awarded Deans Commendation from uni for my results from my first year. In May there will be a award ceremony and Im looking forward to that! Nothing big but will still be fun, a bit of a kick in the ass to do well this year as well, if not better!
Easter is coming up and have to say it would be pretty nice going to the holidayhouse in Sweden and icefish, however I think its to far to go for the weekend!
Nothing else new, my life is pretty boring at the moment as the focus is on school and surviving! No shopping, no more wasting money on stupid things and no more partys! Well one here and there maybe hehe.
Back to Research studies bye for now

The world is freezing!

Dad took this picture early this morning when he was working, are u frigging kidding me! Dude, the new iceage has arrived in Norrbotten!
So staying inside today feels like a fairly good idea, but dont have time! Ive started to pack, not sure what to bring since I still have 2 cold days left in Luleå. But on the other hand I can leave all the winter gear there when I go.
I did learn one very important thing this weekend, dont say I would never! Thats when u do it. Somehow I got a feeling I should have know that one since before ;)
Anywho, back to the ice aged and the packing...Wondering what the hell I should wear to stay warm today?

Back to the roo´s and crocks!

This week its time to return to Melb, cannot wait! I recived the ticket confirmation yesterday thinking I booked for 17th of Feb but it was booked for the 24th! After beeing on the phone to my agent saying I want to change to the 17th they sent me an email saying its changed for the 18th! So I called up the airlane in question and they cant help me cause I booked through an agent. Even though I KNOW the airlane it self can go in any time and overtake the booking, so thanks for all the help! Anyway heading off on friday instead so one day later...SPYING!

Weekend was good, went out for a couple of drinks with a friend on friday and of course it turned in to a big night. Sat was awesome to and it had a lot of singing involved haha. Love it!

Thanks to all the great new people I meet here that made my stay so much fun! And thanks of course to the "old" ppl as well. Was great to see you all! But its time to go home again, pls come and visit!

Its a beautiful day outside and soon im heading off to work my last couple of hours..Then I have to pack, fix papers, say goodbyes and book more tickets before my departure on wed morning.

sunshine, cold and fever

I said the world is my oyster
You said its all there for me
I woke up every day to the sunshine outside
beautiful days, beautiful cold
But I closed my eyes and went back to bed again
just to dream of another place
In the dream the ocean was near
dark nights, hot days
I walked along the beach
just to found my self sourronded by concret
the struggle and the pain, almost make me feel like I want to wake up again
as im spinning around, I hear your vocie again
dont give up
My eyes opens and I enjoy the day
and suddenly I realize my home is where I am



Im like a kid now days, playing with my laptop..Welcome to the 21st century! Spotify, skype and a dvd burner! Music is blasting out the speakers, oprah is on the tv...2pm and the sun is slowly starting to set. I think its time for another iprem...Next week I might go back. I cant wait. Lets make this year better then all the rest! Sometimes change is the best thing that can happen, and when this year started nothing was the same...and I think thats what the rest of the year will offer. Im ready, bring it on!

So another weekend of fun. It started with Lena and Lottas 30th dress up party. Allthough I did not dressup, but it was still good. The dinner was AMAZING loved the meat. After that we arrived at cousin Linda where a full on girls party was happening. The chatter was everywhere! And so was the punch. Then it was time to go to the pub. Alltogheter it was a fun night with great friends. However the problem of the night was to get a hold of a taxi since the telephones stopped working after some idiot in Luleå cut a wire off. But I managed to get home after a lot of effing around.

Im waiting for my csn money to come so I can organise the ticket back to my hostland! I miss the heat so bad. Im freezing every day. I know but I have never liked the cold. Im also looking for accommodation sicne a roof over my head would be a good way to start the new semester, no cats, no madrass on the floor, no flinders street station but a real room!

Tomorrow Im off with sister Johanna to Luleå to visit brother Stefan and his wife. Sat we will go to Jokkmokks winter market, should be nice have not been there yet. Hopefully not to cold.

My shoppinglist for this month is a ticket to the land down under, a place to stay, a computer and a new phone. Its going to be an expensive month! And if I can maybe a short holiday somewhere. I would like to go to Bali maybe. But thats for later this year

Here is Lena in her dress up outfit, Queen of hearts!

Natalie has her first meeting with Mr.stubbieholder, she loves to chew on it!

So nothing more nothing less, off to my second shift soon at work Nr2. Right now the washingmachine is spinning like crazy to get my clothes clean for Luleå! xx

Monday in Kiruna

Had a fantastic weekend with friends, drinks and singstar! The night started at my sis place where we all had catch up time and where singing as usual hehe. Before everyone arrived we had a great family dinner with turkey that my sister made. The sauce was awesome!

After that we all went to Ferrum where we danced the night away! Sunday I went with Linda for a walk to Frasses for some good old hang over food. I will start to work on Wednesday, not to much work though, since Im only home for a while I would like to see everyone and just enjoy beeing home. Today its my mums birthday so happy birthday to you! We will celebrate that with a nice dinne, Im going to make salmon. Then im going with Emma to spinning and tonight its movie time with Yvette. Im happy to be back allthough Im still really tired and I have not started to unpack yet. That will be the task for tomorrow. Looking for a place in Preston just hard when I cant go and see it. Really I would like to have my own place but ah well a share house have to do. Think it was a good idea to come home, its been a tuff year that just past and its nice to be here even if its only for a while. Have stuff I need to organise but cant be bothered thinking about it to much right now. What will happen will happen, time will tell.

Back in the snow

I wanne be a billionare...So I can fly First Class!
Trip went ok, long and boring nothing unususal. No dramas, no crashes. Did not have my own tv but on the other hand I managed to sleep pretty much all the way. I Got off the plan in stockholm with 7 hours to kill so I went to rest and fly. I hired a bed for 3 hours and a shower. Best invention ever! After that I finally got on the plan that was going to take me to Luleå. There I was welcomed by Camilla and - 20!
But have to say I missed that clear cold air!
When we got home I had oboy and swedish pizza mmm...
Just to find that I was in bed by 7pm.
Now it is 8 am friday morning and we are getting ready to drive to Kiruna.
Allready have problems getting a ticket back since I have to wait for my CSN money before I can buy it. That can take up to 4 weeks so we will see when I return. Hopefully before the schoolstart anyway.
But Im not going to worry to much about that now. Soon I will finally see my family and my little niece. Tomorrow I will catch up with good friends for a night out in Kiruna (or in maybe).
I do hope this visit will give me time to sort out some problems that occured last year but we will see what happens.
Anyway time to jump in the shower and get ready to go!
Lucky I had some sunshine before I left it is pretty dam dark here!
Have a great weekend everyone and hope to see some of you tomorrow xo

Up up we go

Up up I fly tomorrow, and hopefully not down as some footy teams seem to do hehe. Anyway the bag is almost packed, shit is sorted and Ipod is charging. Dont quite know what to bring since its COLD over there but have a couple of jumpers so I guess that will have to do. I do have stuff at home if everyone has returned what they borrowed will say.

Had my last soup at the soup place for a while, Love it and going to miss it!

Going out for dinner tonight with jaqcui and then movies with Kel. The new movie with cher and christina cant wait love that shit!

Looking forward to see my little niece for the first time, but not so much to the snow. But u got to take the good with the bad I guess. Have had so much on my mind lately and will be nice to clear it without any distractions.

Well Australia I dont think u have seen the last of me yet for a long time! I have plans on doing a master so will be in school forever but why not! Education is always good as long as it pays off!

Allright my friends goodbye for now and see you in Sweden!

Kareoke Party!

Monday Morning, I thought I changed since yesterday......

Kareoke Party came and went like a breath of fresh air! Had so much fun and got dressed up as ginger spice! Nat did my make up looked awesome!

Me and Jas got everything organised during the day, a few fuck ups but but nothing major. Happy about the turn out thanks everyone! Kareoke machine was pumping all night long, until about 10 when it just turned off.

That was about the time people started to leave some had other parties to go to others where a bit over intoxicated haha, Anyway I decided to get my dress up gear off and the black dress on and went to the pub for a few. The kareoke did not end there the singing still went on for a while!

After we went back to a friends place for a couple of drinks, I think I must have been over intoxicated as I walked straight in to the glass door! My forehead is still hurting! Anyway it was a fun night and a fun day.

Got two more sleeps left in Melb so today I have to find my passport, get the tickets organised and start packing away all the shit. But first I will catch up with Pernilla! Waiting for her to wake up from her nightshift.

Tuesday

Some pics from my birthday (oct) and 1 of the current cat madness! (they are pretty cute the small ones!

Cats, costumes, ear infection....costumes, cardealing and chinese....Britney, ginger spice, cher...kids, movies and days of our lifes... Floods, psychologist, gulit and lack of response from some individuals. Pretty much sums up my day.

Oh and add missuderstandings and lack of drive to clear it up. Did nothing wrong, Im sick and thats the end of that story.

Yesterday I watched a doco on 2011, have to say Im starting to get a bit concerned, but I dont think mankind will vansih, hopefully the world will be better place after whatever will happen.

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I will have more energy then today. Need to organise a lot. But as the guy sad, look at your life as a cheese and take one hole at a time? Hmm okey dont make much sence but I will try (sounds a bit dirty)

This weekend will hopefully be awesome and so will the next when I arrive back to the cold and Ferrum?? Hehe okey well, when me and my friend where 20 or something we had a goal set for 25, she wanted 2 kids (and she has now) and I hoped to grow up and stop going to Arran (nightclub in Kiruna with drunk 18 year olds and guys chasing them and then me)! I belive that was for 25 anyway, or it could have been some other age, how ever that did not come true for me. Even though I set my goal really low!

Looking forward to seeing u aussies on sat and u swedes next sat!

Thinking about them all up in Queensland and hope you all will have a save place for tonight.

found this blog thing I wrote in 2006, funny it does not get easier with time!

can´t you see I´m here for you, I want you and everything that you are

I can feel you leaving me step by step, I´m in panic

Is it time for revenge? Time to get back at me for hurting you

All theese time all thoose years you where away but in my mind you stayed

I truly belive in you, in us and our life togheter

You´r standing one the edge about to fall and when you do I´ll catch you

Let me in, let me love you, let me show you how amazing you are

You can´t see me now for what I am, I hope soon you do

Standing here waiting for you, I feel empty inside, hurt and angry

stop pushing me away

Is it worth waiting for?

What are you up to what are you doing

Soon you will tell me Im afraid it´s something I dont want to hear

My heart is longing for you, for us and a new beginning

Whit or whitout you

all that is real is love

Monday afternoon, I feel tired and sick. The weekend was good, stayed at Jacquis place a couple of nights. Had a girl dinner on friday and it was great! On sat me an Jaz went out for a couple of drinks in the arvo then off to a friends house warming where I had the best bbq chicken ever! The night ended at high street meeting up with Perni and her mum. Lots of fun on the friday, lots of fun and drama on the saturday, what else do u need?

However when I this morning left jacquis place to go home and rest (since I was to sick for work) I was a bit chocked when I saw strange people sleeping in the bed I usually use. Kelly was not home she was away for a couple of nights at the beach so I think her son decided to have his friends over. This would normally not have irritated me but since all I wanted to do was to go to sleep I was a bit annoyed. So I crashed on the sofa with 7 cats (since the other 7 are spread out in other rooms) and now I have cat hair all over me. Days like this I cannot wait to go home!

I am happy I have a roof over my head at least but in the long run this situation is not really ideal.

I have been reading such a great book the last couple of days called 'only love is real'. Belive that was the name anyway, it really get you thinking about why we have been put here and what our purpose is. I also found a good qoute that really got to me,

If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.
-- Margaret Thatcher

If the only mission is to be liked and loved by others you have started at the wrong place. You can only truly be loved when you love your self first, and in loving others you accept them for everything they are and everything they are not.

Changing another is impossible as change has to come from them selves.

My lesson this past years has been exactly that, still I struggle to let my self go and do what is truly fulfilling for my self.

But 2011 is the year when all that is not love is not worth it.

Also feel that I need to say that Im not liking Australia's immigration policies right now since I can only go home for a short while. However I cant help the feeling that it might have been ment to be. Im going to stop stressing about the future and just go with the flow!